Crumbs from a full plate...

Worn out and lovin it

Someday, when my boys are grown I plan to visit their homes. I look forward to that day when I can accept a canned drink from them and promptly pull the little tabby thing off to deposit inside my can.

I am already practicing the look for when I say, "oh, did you not want me to do that?"

And that is the stage of parenting I have entered. The stage where the things they do continuously can be annoying, but aren't that bad. And I wouldn't think to correct another person outside my family. So I have to seriously consider if it is necessary to harp on them all day. Actually, no consideration needed - I know it isn't, but man it might be fun. And yet, not so productive.

See the back and forth in my mind?

In all seriousness, school started back this year and my kids are exponentially older. With this school year I have a high schooler, another middle schooler and a 6th grader who is so over elementary school. Plus, a baby who doesn't even look back while she runs from the car in the morning. All summer it was easy to believe that they were all still just kids forever  hanging out and making messes.

Now they are suddenly so grown up. And the child who I was the most worried about has had a wonderful transition. Not only has it been fairly easy, but any problems have been simply humorous stories to share over snack. What a relief! On the other hand, the child who hasn't needed a thing for several years has cried both afternoons. And evenings. And still sniffling at bedtime.

Totally wasn't expecting that. And yet it sums up the stage of parenting I have entered. Two steps forward and one back. Totally capable and very hesitant. Very grown up and confident and needs momma.

I am totally lovin this new stage and totally worn out by it.

Trust, but verify

I registered my 2nd child for something beyond elementary school today. Two years ago when I went with Abby for middle school orientation, it was a totally new feeling. I looked around that school and thought of what it would be like from a position of total newness. This was a different feeling today. I no longer am new to middle school, I know where things are located, I know what to expect from the school.

My feeling of newness and anticipation was totally related to my child. How would he react? What will he become? How will the next two years mold and shape him?

 

Isn't he cute? If you see him don't comment cause he isn't near as impressed with him momma's blog as his siblings are. In fact, when I took this picture he turned and said very calmly, "momma, this is no time for a picture, help me get this locker open."

Anyway, I sat today and listened to the parent pep talk by the principal who did a fine job of challenging us to not stop parenting just cause our kids were in 7th grade. He talked very seriously about how these years were gonna fly and how they were the years that our kids would begin to challenge all the morals and values we had instilled. He asked if we step out, who will help guide them? Even good kids can get in trouble if the options are available.  He encouraged us to continue being engaged, and nosy, and yet let them be responsible. Balance is what it sounded like to me. Or as they say on CSI Miami...trust, but verify.

Better than I remember

Looking over old pictures has made one thing really clear to me...those were better years than I remember.

Having 4 kids in 5 years was fairly tough. Not combat tough, but hard enough that it felt like a lot of work most of the time. And if I heard once, I heard 100's of times "wow, you've got your hands full!" And I did, and I do and I don't know why anyone wouldn't want a full plate.

Here we are just after Sam's birth. Abby was 3 and Guy was 20 months old and in my memory Joe went back to work about 10 minutes after birth. (Not true, but fun to believe in the dark, exhausted nights.) The birth of my first dark haired baby changed a lot of things - more babies than hands, less people anxious to watch the cute kids and a whole lot more laundry. But, as I look at the pictures just a short year or two later, I see happy, smiling kids crawling all over their exhausted parents.

Earlier today I ran across a comment on facebook that my friend Debbie had offered to a mom who  needed hope. It was so good that I decided to steal it - someday when Debbie is published somewhere besides facebook I will be so glad to have an original piece of her work. Her point was excellent and applies to more than just parenting.

But I promise, it goes by so quickly. Just take it minute by minute if you have to, one right and loving decision after another, then pretty soon it's bedtime, then a new day, a new week, month, and year, and you will wonder how they got taller than you so quickly.

Sleeping Beauty

 

Today has been about juggling priorities.

 I have quite a bit of work that needs to be done and a little girl who is allergic to something. After a quick trip to the doctor for advice, she came to the office with me armed with a fun lunch, coloring book, library book and a tummy full of Benadryl. She lasted about 45 minutes before she curled up to read on the floor...

It is a blessing to be able to bring her with me and who knows what will rub off from her time at my office. I grew up hanging around a fabric store and it all that knowledge shows up in unexpected ways. Maybe she'll learn to sew here at the church.

View from above

We got invited to a 1st communion this weekend. The sweetest invitation came along with a personal ask from Megan's best-est friend Jessica. So, of course Megan and I went.

We got there too late to be seated with the family on the main floor and were directed to the balcony. Once we sat down and truly looked around, I was so glad we got to have a birds-eye view, cause it was really cool.  Not knowing what to expect, Megan was on the edge of her seat with a million questions. I was hard pressed at times to put into words symbolic acts that made sense to me, but my daughter wanted explained. Of course, isn't that the way of most religious instruction with our children?

The entire service was very meaningful. Ritual is certainly powerful and I was touched by many parts of the service. At one point, I grabbed my bible cause the passage they were reading was just after something I had been studying that week and wanted to read along. This drew a comment from the other woman beside me, and made me realize how much I just need to see the words.

Something has stayed with me this whole weekend. The priest mentioned several times to the parents, "7 or 8 years ago you stood here for the baptism of these children and today you are here taking the next step." What a great reminder as a parent. The commitments made when our children are young are meant to  be kept and the systematic manner in which the Catholic church marks growth allows for accountability. How cool is that?! I spent some time thinking of the commitments I have made with and for my own children, and have begun to evaluate where I am with those.

So, that is my thought for today...where am I with my children's religious education and where did I mean to be?

Requirements

We watched a great movie this weekend with the kids.  The Miracle Worker, which is the story of Helen Keller. It was fascinating in terms of the very hard work that Anne Sullivan engaged in to teach Helen to communicate. When she arrived at the home, the entire family was used to letting little Helen do whatever she wantedin the name of pity. Anne, however had a different idea. She believed that Helen was a smart person who was capable of communication if someone would just teach her. She also believed that Helen  should be taught NO, and should be held accountable for her actions. Big concepts for a family prepared to allow this child to roam about breaking things and eating off anyone's plate.

One statement really stood out to me. At the moment that Anne is fighting Helen's parents for the right to make her behavior, she appeals to them with this statement, "All that you require of her now is all she'll ever be!"

I have thought of that often this week in regards to my own children...what am I requiring of them now and therefore, what will they be in the future?

How would you feel?

One of the lessons we try to teach each year is about handling fear in parenting. For many moms, it is an overwhelming emotion and can dramatically shape how you deal with the issues of parenting. For others, it isn't such a big deal but it still rears it's head at moments.

Amy Sprengel taught this week and shared her personal journey away from being a fraidy-cat momma. It was powerful!

Everyone has times of fear - that is to be expected. Amy talked about  how her mother would often ask questions of her that began with "how would you feel?"

How would you feel if  you took the baby to church and she got pneumonia?

How would you feel if she wasn't in a stroller and got hit by a car?

How would you feel if you weren't watching and he choked on his food?

"How would you feel" can cause a lot of emotions. It speaks to the fear found in the unknown, and suggests a guilt to certainly follow. It brings a level of heightened awareness to routine events with our children. Worse than that...it implies that by following the right rules we can control the outcome.

While sharing many personal stories of battling fear, Amy taught what scripture has to say about fear and moving from being fearful to being free.

• Don't worry about anything
• Pray about everything
• Tell God what you need
• Thank Him for what he has done

In addition to all these things, Amy recommended using worship as a remedy for worry. She related a question she felt God ask her early in her parenting journey, "Who are you   and Who am I?" Recognizing who God is allows us to put our fears about the future in perspective. One of the other great suggestions she made is that we need to find a voice of truth to help us sort out the voices that tell us to be afraid. This person can fill many roles - friend, parent, mentor, sister, etc - but she must point us back to God in order to help us truly overcome fear.

Amy closed with a challenge that we evaluate ourselves - how am I doing in regards to fear? Or maybe there is something else I need to work on more than fear. Am I beginning, developing or secure in my skill? And with that evaluation comes the chance to say, what do I need to work on right now?

Sad Momma and Girl

As I write this post, Megan is upstairs crying herself to sleep. She threw a fit in the living room while the family was trying to watch TV and got put to bed. Of course, as soon as the punishment started she declared loud and long that she "was sorry!" and "wanted to be obedient" and "just give me another chance". Really sad. And truthfully I hadn't seen her all evening and would have loved to let her up. I would have loved to snuggle up with the repentant Meg and watch Idol.

As I sit here I have to remind myself that the goal is bigger than tonight and although she is really sorry right now as the punishment is happening, she needs to feel the pain a little in order to learn. Discipline is supposed to hurt. 

You see,  I hold the role of "keeper of the consequences." I coined that term a couple of weeks age while teaching my Peacemakers class. Reaping and sowing is huge in the Bible. Add that to my understanding of authority and I know it is my job to make the consequences stick - even when it breaks both our hearts.

Think about this as a momma

Make the most of the present moment. No occasion is unworthy of
our best efforts. God often uses the humble occasions and little
things to shape the course of a man’s life.
– James Garfield

Lead well

I was looking at scripture about authority this morning to speak to the Peacemaker parents tonight. This weeks lesson for the kids is about how choices have consequences - which is true. But, the message I feel parents need to hear tonight is that we are the chief provider of consequences - and we all too often fail our kids by being weak. Or lazy. Or distracted.

Anyway, I found this verse today regarding authority.

"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you." Hebrews 13:17

Sounds reasonable and simple - obey your leader. I know I have read it that way many times before. And that is true. But, read it as a leader...what do you see?

We must give an account. This isn't a game, this is serious stuff that we will be held accountable for later on. John Maxwell has a simple definition of leadership - leadership is influence. So, looking at my kids, sure they need to obey, but I need to lead in a manner worthy of giving an accounting of whether they make it a joy or not. Lead well!

Forcing your kids

A note about forcing your kids to do things...it is often worth it. In September I realized that everyone had something to do at church on Wednesday night except Sam. He had something to do, but he didn't want to do it. He decided he was way too big to participate in a Christmas Program.

We hemmed and hawed over whether or not we should make him attend. The previous year his soccer schedule had made it impossible.  But this year I really needed him to be contained and busy on Wednesday night, plus I actually thought he would enjoy it.

A fact about Sam...he got most of my verbal skills. He can argue about anything, and the very next minute turn on the charm in order to persuade you. We heard it all...begging, whining, threats about his behavior if we forced the issue. It went on for days. Finally I put my foot down and said "you will go! If you are less than 100% engaged in the process, you will be punished!"

Does this look like a boy being punished?

 

Optical Illusions

 This picture of two faces is pretty cool - makes you wonder if the people in it are getting ready to kiss or are thinking about brushing noses. But, if you squint your eyes just right suddenly you are looking at a vase. It is an optical illusion.

There are a lot of things like that in life - looks like one thing and yet is something totally different. Parenting is something that looks like one thing, but is also totally about something else. Parenting is on the first look all about raising a child. Teaching them to sleep, eat and how to be a good sport. And yet, the process is totally transforming to the parent as well.

Being a mom changes you. From the first moment when you pee on that stick - nothing is the same. I am sure it is a change for the fathers as well, but I can only speak for women personally - things are different. Suddenly someone else gets to dictate things like what you eat and whether you need to throw up. And that continues for years and years.

For a Christian parent, the process of parenting is an opportunity to live out what Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 7:1  when he says "let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” Parenting is a process through which God purifies us – the parents – even as he shapes the children. The years you spend investing in the lives of your children, learning and applying Biblical principles are years that God is cutting away all from you that does not glorify him.

   Here's another illusion - on the surface it looks like a cute kid with a frog on his nose, but if you squint just right you can totally see that it is 1/4th of God's plan for growth for Joe and I.

Another Voice

Josh talked about Sex last night in Freeway (the middle school enviroment that 2 of my kids now attend) as part of an ongoing series. I love that he is teaching stuff I want my kids to hear. It is another voice confirming what I want them to learn and other group of adults to speak truth into their lives. That's helpful to a a parent.

A Sobering Thought

"He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds."

                                                     -Dag Hammerskjold

 

What's growing in your garden? Did you know that what you grow and cultivate in your garden today could spread to your children? This week I taught on the topic What do they see? about how we influence our children. Because they live with us, they see us as we actually live. There is no opportunity to hide who you really are - your children know.  And that is a sobering thought.

 

The Plan

I have been busy this week thinking making plans to avoid the cranky that comes over me at this point the last few summers, but I wanted to share what I have found to be my lifelines.

Get up early! I know this, I have experienced the benefit and yet I fight it with everything in me. If I am not up before my kids, spending time in the Bible and planning my day...they will plan it for me. It isn't pretty to look around and find yourself still in your jammies at noon and the house headed toward chaos without you. For me this is a discipline that I am still learning each day...

Make a plan! Even if that plan is that today has no plan. The energy it takes to switch the course of 4 kids intent on their agenda is tremendous...it is so much easier to spell out the plan first and then begin to move.

Engage in activity! Maybe there are kids somewhere that are content just doing nothing for hours on end. I wasn't blessed with them. So, after 6 to 7 weeks of fun, we Gallamore's start doing stuff. This week the kids have gone to VBS at a sister church and for the next two weeks some are going to enrichment summer school and some are going to Granny's in AR.

Change my attitude! I have a choice in how I think about things and what I allow to dwell in my mind. If I spend my time thinking about how easy it would be to run an errand alone or how clean my house would be without children (and pets), I am going to be frustrated. But, if I acknowledge my blessings - healthy, happy, active kids who build creations all over and talk non-stop through Target, my perspective changes. 

So, that is my plan for dealing with the summer cranky. Pretty basic stuff, but all added up together it really helps.

We Can't Do it All

Michelle Obama answered the challenge from People Magazine that she would of course be weighing in on all policy, etc. with this answer. I think it is a great look at what all strong, competent and educated women have to decide regarding our priorities. Whether we are involved in something isn't always about being capable...

I'm not sure people will buy that. They see you as so strong and smart and assertive, that it's natural to assume that you're weighing in on policy.
Michelle: That is the internal struggle that I, and a lot of women, have. You listen to the outside, which says you have an obligation – because you're smart and well-educated – to do this. And it's like, 'Yeah, but I also have these kids.' And if Barack is fully into the policy – and we want the President of the United States to be completely the master of that universe – then I'm going to take the kids to camp.

You can read the whole article right here.

Cranky Happens

Obviously, I have reached that point in the summer where I am a little frustrated. I am not alone. At a meeting this morning a friend asked for prayer that she could make it through August without hurting any of her children - intentionally.

We bonded. I totally understand. In Proverbs it talks about when there is no vision, the people perish - and that is what summer begins to feel like to me. No vision, no purpose...way too much leisure time.

For everyone around me.

Me, I still have an agenda and a plan for my days. One of the blessings of my life is that I am allowed to work at home in the summer. One of the curses in my life is that I am allowed to work from home in the summer. And older elementary, pre-teen children are no longer content to play blocks or cars for 7 hours, take a nap and visit the park. The only thing they really want to do for more than 20 minutes is watch tv/play electronic games. So, I get interrupted 100's of times every hour. I am a very ADD person so the first 50 are fun...after that I get cranky.

The problem is cranky is normal, maybe even expected...but, it isn't okay. In order for me to honor God in how I live my life, I have to get over my need to chew everyone around me out. :)  And after several summers of this experience, this time I have a plan.

What about you? Do you have a plan to deal with the cranky that comes when life isn't going  your way?

Okay, maybe not literally everything

About 9pm, after supper was over, kids were picked up from youth group, everyone had been forced inside and dessert was being eaten; I said to Joe who had just gotten home and agreed to a board game, "I'm going to go in the other room and read and let you have some quality time with your kids until bed cause I'm cranky."

Joe, "why are you cranky?"

Me, "probably cause everything I have said today has been argued with!"

Sam, "No, not everything! We only argued over most  stuff, not everything!"

Me, "I'll be in the living room."

Joe, "No problem - I see exhibit A."

10 years is really short

I had my first baby just two months after my 23rd birthday. Her name  is Abby and I had no clue what I was getting into. I didn't want to go to grad school and I knew that I wanted to be a momma, so it seemed like a good option.

We were really young. And yet, we had already accomplished a lot. Married almost 3 years, moved across the country once, finished two college degrees and bought our first house.

And then I  brought a baby home. And my momma gave my house a good cleaning and stocked my kitchen and went home. My in-laws visited, took us out to eat several times, and went home. And Joe went to work and there I was with a baby. It was a heady feeling looking back - but, I did great. She is alive and well and turned 13 this spring.

10 years is really short to prepare her for all that I was able to do at 23. And yet I must prepare her cause she's totally going to grow up whether I prepare her or not - and not being prepared is going to hurt worse.

So, this morning I have totally frustrated her. I won't tell her where to put the scraps from her current sewing project. We talked about possibilities of what she could do with that fabric earlier today and I have reminded her of that conversation. I have given her several options which only seems to frustrate her more - but the choice is hers. We're starting to count down till they are all hers.

Toddlers and Teenagers

Michelle had a great post today about teaching her toddler about authority issues. As I was commenting on her blog, I realized how much it fit with what I have been learning lately about dealing with pre-teens.

My children are pretty verbal. I know, you're surprised. But, lately many of our conversations have become arguments and gone like this...

Me: "That was rude, disrespectful, etc."

Child: "No, it wasn't"

Me: "Yes, it was (voice beginning to raise) disrespectful, rude, hurtful to that sibling, etc."

Other child trying to parent: "yeah, it was..." (Quickly cut off by me trying to talk)

(Now I am completely frustrated, didn't mean for it to turn into a big thing, just wanted to note a needed change of tone - voice really raising) "Yes, it was. I wasn't asking if you were being disrespectful."

Now, depending upon the collection of kids around the table, usually a girl child is crying, a less verbal boy is muttering under his breath and not looking at me, or a very verbal boy has risen to a standing position and begun his defense in quick, loud, rapid statements. Either way, nothing has been accomplished. I am frustrated and rapidly getting sinful.

I have found that this works better.

Me: "That was disrespectful"

Child: "No, it wasn't..."

Me: "Please go to your room until you are ready to listen and take constructive criticism" Point toward stairs, keep mouth shut (this is key) and wait for child to respond. In one or too cases where child didn't move, simply state next punishment (usually loss of next privilege) and continue to point toward room. Keep mouth shut of all other comments / threats / verbal processing.

This actually works. In every single case so far, said child has come back repentant and ready to acknowledge that they were wrong. Ready to calmly respond.

And guess what...I am calm too. In control and able to think clearly. Able to do the teaching that needs to be done rather than having to apologize for my behavior towards them. Michelle said on her blog "God’s Word allows for a multitude of ways to teach our children to obey. Sometimes we focus on the method rather than the goal."  And that is so true...the goal is for me to mentor and teach my kids.

"This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."

                                                                              James 1:19-20

It isn't really our choice

Tara Barthel talked about planning for kids in case of parents death and it made me think. Joe and I sat down and hammered that plan out when Guy was born and although we have sometimes wondered if we had made the right decisions, we have always been glad to have the decisions made. We asked my parents to be executors of our estate and take care of the kids with the understanding that exactly what that would look like could vary based on current circumstances at the time.

Our issue with our decisions is that really there isn't a great best choice to raise our kids if something happens to us - cause we really just want the plan to be for nothing to happen. But, we don't have those choices...sometimes parents die. That  is the reality of life and not facing that reality wouldn't help my kiddos in a time of crisis.

Often when I talk with people about this subject I hear that they are trying to micromanage exactly what it would like like for another person or family to raise their kids - and then they get upset. They will say things like "well, they use bad language in my in-laws house and I wouldn't want my kids exposed." Or "my sister and I have always disagreed on what TV shows are important - therefore she can't raise my kids." What they are really saying is "no one but me can make the best choices for my family".  And that is simply not true...cause God is ultimately in control of whether we live or die and He makes the best choices. Even when we don't like them!

So, based on that belief, we chose someone who loves us and loves our children and is a complete sinner saved by grace to make the decisions should God so decide. And that makes me feel secure.

Tampons and little boys

Last night the babysitter asked if I had any tampons. I went upstairs and got two from the hiding place I keep them so my boys will never stumble across them and placed two on the bathroom counter. I was thinking one for now and one for later. She left one on the counter...

This morning when I knocked on the bathroom door to ask Guy what was taking so long after his shower, he said "momma, I have a question!"  Next thing I knew he opened the door quick and stuck an unwrapped tampon in my face and said "WHAT is this!!!"  My first reaction was equally fierce..."IT IS NOTHING...GIVE IT TO ME!" But, then on the way to the trash can I remembered my desire to have kids who talk to me, that he had already had at least 2 talks with his daddy, and that I was a little foolish for acting so shocked. All that and the fact that my future daughter-in-law needs to be able to send him to the store for "personal products" all went through my mind.

I turned back and very calmly said "it is a tampon, ladies use them while on their period. Do you have any questions about that?" "No," he said. "I just wondered." 

Whew...glad that's over!

Santa?

I have frequently been asked the question "what do you do with Santa?" Many young parents struggle with this question while trying to establish their own traditions - especially if they are trying to establish different traditions from their families. It's a valid question. Everywhere you go during the month of December you and your child will be surrounded by Santa...in stores, at school, friends houses and on TV. To say "we won't deal with Santa" is not only difficult, but short sighted. But, I think we worry too much about this issue. In an effort to teach our children the real meaning of Christmas we can create walls within our friendships and extended families.

First, remember that you should be teaching your child about the things of God year round. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 tells us to be teaching our children every day throughout the day about the workings of God and his commands. If we are doing our job, the Christmas season should be one more time our kids hear these things - not the only time.

Second, put the characters in perspective. We talk to our young kids about "make believe" characters a lot. Most of children's TV programs and movies revolve around made up characters - Franklin, Barney, even Mr. Rogers talked to the king and queen who obviously looked different than him. And so when we read a Franklin book to our children we don't stop and say "now Franklin is real / not real, etc." We read with the understanding that turtles don't talk...and our children intuitively learn the difference as they mature. Santa is a character of the season and Baby Jesus is Almighty God coming to earth in the form of man. Don't give either one more power and glory than they deserve.

Third, focus on the main thing. Your children will be exposed to Santa at friends house, school, and by the lady at Wal-Mart who will say innocently to your child, "what is Santa bringing you this year?" That exposure isn't going to hurt them if you haven't given Santa power that isn't his. He doesn't see us and make a list...but God sees our every move and knows our hearts. Make sure that your home reflects the actual reason behind the season of Christmas and your kids have opportunity to learn the ancient stories. Teach them songs about a baby born in Bethlehem and a Silent Night. Help them see why we sing Joy to the World! And teach them to love  both God and their neighbor by not ruining the Christmas celebration of another child with blatant info about Santa.

As we went through the years intentionally focusing on Christ and allowing Santa to be a character during the season, I found that we didn't have to do much explaining while the kids were young. In fact, they came to their own fairly accurate conclusions by about age 7 or 8. In fact,  by the time we thought they were old enough for us to actually say the words "You know Santa isn't real, right?" they looked at us and said, "well, duh." Enough said!   

Who loves you?

I had a game I used to play with the kids when they were younger. When I was hugging them on my lap, I would ask "who loves____" and they would answer usually "mommy loves me." So, then I would ask "does Daddy love you?" "Yes, they would giggle." Well, does Granny love you?" "Yes, Granny loves me." I would continue to ask them people right through the whole extended family list, the whole friends of the family list and just generally name people in their world until one of us got tired of the game.

It turns out I was onto something back then. The book I have been reading  by Paul Pettit talks about the importance of community for tweens (children from 8-12).

"In addition to noting the development of positive friendships, I cannot overemphasize the importance of tweens getting involved in their neighborhood's or Town's ongoing community lives....experts report that a lack of connectedness is behind many of the rising rates of depression, anxiety, conduct disorders and thoughts of suicide. These cutting-edge scholars advocate children becoming connected in two ways. First, children should be involved in close connections with other people. Second, children should form deep connections to proper moral and spiritual teaching." Congratulations, you've got tweens! , pg. 38-39

As he described how children have to be able to be connected to their family, but also to other adults in order to create the sense of "normalcy" that allows accountability among others. It creates a safe haven for your child where people know their name and aren't afraid to get involved in their lives. I had that as a kid. Growing up in a small town offered me a lot. I was reminded as I returned to the town where I spent my 5th grade plus years how many of the adults invested in my life. It was a fun thing to take my kids and introduce them to the ladies who helped chaperon trips and supervised the sleepovers of my teen years. Many of them were the people that I talked to on the days my folks were particularly  "weird".

So, as a young mom I wanted my kids to know that the people of their world loved them. And as they get older I need to continue to promote the place of healthy community around them.  On days when they think I am totally out of touch and clueless, I need another adult to point them to Christ. I need other adults talking to my kids about hard work, and sticking with things. I need someone else pointing out their bad manners. I need others to love my kids and my kids to know they are loved. The Bible talks about  what this kind of community looks like in Philippians.

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." Philippians 2:1-4 MSG

The question for today is, am I participating in community with others of similar values and beliefs? Am I allowing my children healthy relationships with other people who can reinforce things that are important in their lives? Do my children know they are loved and valued?

Big Kids

My journey into having "big kids" has continued today. I am absolutely loving this new phase, and yet it is much more intense. When the kids were young (all 4 under the age of 6)  my head ached from the constant loneliness...now keeping track of the details of their lives and trying to use every opportunity to teach brings the headache. 

Abby has her first babysitting job this summer. I am very proud of her skills and the good manner she has with young children. She has spent the past year working in the church nursery  one service each weekend and that has provided good training. I am so thankful to Dana and the other adults who have poured their patience into my daughter so she could learn.

Guy is shadowing the teen down the street tomorrow to learn about his paper route. If he likes it the job is his as of next week. He is really excited - mostly about the possibility to earn some money- and we have talked a lot about commitment. I think this will be really good for him. It is supposed to take about 15 minutes to deliver the 20 papers in the route...just enough to feel like a burden on a rainy day!

So, work continues at the Gallamore house.  Don't worry about them though...soccer season starts soon so the fun (with work hidden within) will  happen as well.

A New Stage

It was so much easier when I was the center of their world...my kids that is. I can still fondly remember the days when they were convinced that everything I did was absolutely the best idea and they were wholeheartedly on board with my agenda. (or at least those are my memories...if you know different, please don't tell me!)

We are entering a new stage of life...a stage of opinions, options and rolled eyes. A stage of social agendas and ideas of what is right and appropriate in the moment. A time of testing the water. Paul Pettit describes it in his book Congratulations, you've got tweens! as "your daughter is living be-tween the earlier developmental stages of learning to talk, walk and chew, and is moving toward the stage of more complex and difficult emotional and psychological growth. She's determining that she is her own "person" apart from her family of origin. She is beginning to form her own values, goals, and beliefs."

Abby didn't crawl until she was almost 11 months old. In fact, her primary playmate at that age was using her seated body to pull up on and then walking circles around her on the floor and still she sat...totally content to watch life. But, one day she decided she wanted a cracker that was across  the floor and she crawled over and got it.

I think it is foreboding at its best that Pettit uses the pronoun "she" in his example. Abby's policy of watching the world until she is able to jump in still exists today.  She seems poised on the brink of  a change and little by little it is coming out in her responses and in her moments she decides to argue the point. And yet, I can see it in my boys as well...a desire to make their own decisions.  A desire to be "right" and prove that I am the one who isn't communicating with them. A desire to be allowed more privileges and the ability to be assigned responsibility.

So, I have no big thoughts other than parenting has gotten messier. And relationship seems much more important...and less taken for granted. I see my kids trying to learn to make their own choices and find myself talking a lot to a blank look. When they were little, I was the mommy and that said it all!