Crumbs from a full plate...

Like it or lump it

I think the best feeling I had at She Speaks was the realization that I am doing okay. And not okay. But, none of it was a surprise.

I have thought long and hard about the lack of emotional response that I had to the weekend. It was terribly inspiring, and encouraging and pointed to Christ so completely - and I was happy. But, there wasn't a huge emotional trip either way. And as I came  back home and re-entered my home and family I realized how much I missed them. Truly missed them.

I think I have ministry in the right place for the first time in a long time. I have it in a place of priority. But, it isn't my priority. My priority exists in being a follower of Christ and a lover of my husband and kids - and out of the overflow of that God allows me to serve a bunch of people.

Many times I have attended conferences and had huge connections with ways to improve this, or rewrite this or dive right off into something. I have sat and "dreamed big dreams" and mourned our lack of 20K more people so I could be like willow. I have thought "oh, if only I could..." I have made declarations and decisions.

I have exhausted myself in the pursuit of something.

This weekend God reminded me of what I have already discovered - it isn't about me. It's about him and the only place me fits into that is in the sifting that occurs in me when I serve. He reminded me that I am blessed far beyond measure, sitting in a church blessed far beyond measure surrounded by those blessed far beyond measure - and we better remember to measure some of it out to others. He reminded me that I am still the worst sinner I know and we need to work on that. He reminded me that he will use me however, whenever and for whatever he so desires.

And I can like it or lump it - He is in control.

Lead well

I was looking at scripture about authority this morning to speak to the Peacemaker parents tonight. This weeks lesson for the kids is about how choices have consequences - which is true. But, the message I feel parents need to hear tonight is that we are the chief provider of consequences - and we all too often fail our kids by being weak. Or lazy. Or distracted.

Anyway, I found this verse today regarding authority.

"Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you." Hebrews 13:17

Sounds reasonable and simple - obey your leader. I know I have read it that way many times before. And that is true. But, read it as a leader...what do you see?

We must give an account. This isn't a game, this is serious stuff that we will be held accountable for later on. John Maxwell has a simple definition of leadership - leadership is influence. So, looking at my kids, sure they need to obey, but I need to lead in a manner worthy of giving an accounting of whether they make it a joy or not. Lead well!

Getting the first question right

Right after the first of the year, there was a quote that showed up on my google page that really stuck with me...

"Not everything can be changed. But, nothing can be changed until it is faced."

                                                        James Baldwin

The more I thought about this quote, the more that it stuck with me. And as I prepared for the first Mom Time message of the year, I used that quote to talk to them a little bit about goals. The reason so many of goals fall flat after a few days weeks, is that we don't truly face what our problem is and therefore nothing can be changed.

We want to lose weight, but we don't sit down to truly evaluate what and why we are eating like we are.

We want to exercise more, but we don't think through the obstacles that are keeping us from exercising to begin with such as schedule, availability or laziness.

We want to handle our money better, but we don't take time to make a new budget and truly evaluate where last years money went.

We want to be a better friend, wife, daughter; but we don't evaluate our past behavior in those relationships and  seek reconciliation where needed.

Whatever it is that we want to change...we don't really face it. So, the first question to ask yourself is not, what do I want to do better, but what am I doing that I could improve?

Connects with people

Found this quote in this weeks Newsweek magazine...

Larry Persily, a former Anchorage Daily News editorial-page editor, left the newspaper in May 2007 and worked as an associate director in Palin's Washington, D.C., office until June 2008. He says he left on good terms—Palin offered him another job when he resigned—but he believes she is not qualified to be vice president and is speaking out for that reason. He describes Palin as an easily distracted manager. "Her preppings [briefings] were accentuated by the brevity of them. She's not going to pore over briefing books and charts and white papers and reports for hours and hours. She knows how to connect with people, and it's like, 'Give me bullet points and I'll run with it' … I don't think she had trouble focusing. She didn't have an interest in focusing."

This spoke to me, cause it totally could be written about me. My greatest struggle currently is to put the work into the work. Take time to study and research and ponder. I have never been a good student. Not in middle school when I first discovered that teachers cut students they liked slack. Not in high school when I took that knowledge to a new height by copying homework and offering to buy teachers a coke from Sonic while I was there during the day. And certainly  not in college where I pursued a liberal arts degree - a breeze if you can read well and talk even better.  Decent papers can be written in a night, and I never got why I should want better than decent.

But, God is calling me to a level of excellence that requires me to take an interest in focusing. I guess it's time to learn to be a student.

Why there are 2nd children

For me, delivering a message is like havin a baby. The Kick-off this weekend began the season where I will be preparing and delivering messages on a pretty regular basis within women's ministry. I love to speak and I especially love to talk about how to apply God's word. And just like when you get pregnant, it starts when someone suggests it and after a few moments of fun  you're committed. The date is set - the speaking engagement is set.

Then  you enter a period of time where you are excited about this future event, you daydream about the possibilities and you even tell people excitedly that you are going to do this thing. Any work done during this time actually can be considered fun and is heavily influenced by anticipation.

Then it's time. Time to as Beth Moore says, "just do the thing!" And it's hard, and it hurts and you don't have a choice cause you committed. And finally the focus of all your excitement emerges. Then you enter that place where you are thrilled, everyone is pleased and even the relief feels good. You know you did your  best and after looking at that tiny  baby you realize how much God had to do with it anyway. It was all beyond you.

Then someone suggests another message (baby) and you totally forget all that hard work and say with a slight lift to your voice - Oh, I would love to!

Totally hit the target

I'm a little late talking about the Ladies' Link kick-off. In short, it was a success.

There were a lot of highlights for me about the Kick-Off event, so here are a few in no apparent order.

• 140 Ladies joined us to connect with God and with each other
• I was able to share that vision of why we do what we do - it's all about traveling farther down the journey.

• 17 women of FRCC taught breakouts - that made me tearful to see the time, effort and willingness to share their talents and what God had taught them.

• The largest 4 breakouts all centered on either the theme of making our home a priority of the theme of reaching others for God - both should be the heartbeat of a Godly woman.

• The team that pulled this off Rocks! No fussin, no complainin, just sheer joy to serve.

• At breakfast this morning they were all interrupting each other with ideas for next year.

• Comments are coming in that people were challenged, encouraged and changed.

3 things about me

I know I have mentioned before that I just started a two year term as PTA president at Randall Elementary where my 3 youngest kids go to school. It is funny the response most people make when they hear this news - "oh, wow, I could never do all you do", "are you crazy?!" or "Shelley, Shelley, you've just never learned to say no, have you??"

Some are funny, some are offensive, and all are wrong in my opinion.

The truth is that doing "all that I do" is about priorities- and you could chose to have the same priorities if they were your priorities. Things that I have decided aren't priority are a highly organized and decorated home, TV at night, hobbies like scrap-booking and sports and long vacations. While these are great things that I sometimes long for, giving them up allow me to have extra time and for me, feel like the better trade off.

Yes, I am a little crazy...crazy about investing in people and at the end of the day this just wouldn't leave me alone as a possible way to do that. Bill Hybels talks about a "holy discontent", something that we just have to do something about and over the course of the last year, I really developed a desire to bring some vision and leadership to Randall. It's a great school, with great families (really, aren't all schools described that way) but, it's the one God put me at.

No, I'm not very good at saying no.I feel very strongly that things that are in the power of my hand are non-negotiable and that to whom much is given much is expected. Those two thoughts permeate my life and really help define how God has made me. I have been truly blessed and it would be a sin for me to simply enjoy it. Or, as we say in the south, "a crying shame!"

Recently my Daddy was talking about people who volunteer and then complain the whole time cause their expectation isn't met. His comment was..."if you're going to volunteer then do it with absolutely no expectation of getting anything, I mean anything back, cause any other motive is just gonna make you unhappy."

I agree Pop, I totally agree.

Leadership - You describe it

Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.  ~Albert Schweitzer

Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.  ~Robert Jarvik

These two quotes on leadership caught my eye while I was looking for something else. More than that, I was intrigued by how well the quote fit their life. Schweitzer was an extremely hard worker and pushed himself to complete studies well beyond necessary. At a time when he could have pursued preaching as a ministry, he sought to learn medicine in order to change the world in the name of Jesus.

Jarvik was one of the scientists that created the artificial heart - actually the last one to work on it and the one who first placed it in a person - probably the reason it bears his name. Can you imagine having the idea to make a heart - and yet without people willing to dream those seemingly impossible dreams many, many things would never be accomplished.

How would  you explain leadership? And what would it say about how you lead others? A good question, cause we all lead someone...

His chair

He got to sit in his chair today.

Let me explain. Lately the Gallamore family has been storing their socks in the dining room in a basket. And when Joe came down dressed yesterday all except socks he sat on the couch to put his socks on his feet. Looking across at an occasional chair that I had piled high with papers I needed to sort out, he said, "I would rather sit in that chair to put my socks on." (Notice he didn't mention wanting to store his socks in the dresser upstairs)

Inwardly, I groaned cause I wasn't really planning on sorting out those papers any time soon. But, I smiled and listened as he explained that when he comes down in a dark suit and sits on the couch to put on socks the dogs inevitably jump up to sit by him and then he has dog hair on his pant leg. In the smaller chair they can't join him. Makes sense...but, creates work for me.

But, I was reminded of the importance of compromise in marriage. Compromise says that the relationship matters more my preference, my rights or my desires. That I would be willing to serve another more than or before I serve myself. So, I cleaned out the chair. It didn't take long and it is those small things that add up to something bigger in a relationship. Now, maybe I can find time to sort the socks.

Another Hat

I got another hat tonight...that of PTA president of Randall Elementary for the next two years. Yeah, I know...I thought long and hard about it. (that is the first question most people ask me)  But, as you can guess from the title of this blog, I don't like to leave any extra time on the table.

And, even more importantly I want to be invested in my kids school. Invested goes beyond helping a little and being aware of what happens during or after the fact...I want to be able to decide a few things. Or at least know that I gave my opinion. So, when the position became available I took the plunge...hopefully the hat will fit well!

Jenny's notes

I had something neat happen today...I got copied on an email where Jenny had summarized what I taught at NEST on Wednesday night for her group...so I thought I would share them with my blog readers. We started by reading from Nehemiah 8 where the people listened to Ezra read from the bible with awe and I challenged our ladies that we should  have that same awe as we approach bible study. Here are the notes Jenny took...

We all need KNOWLEDGE from the Word (Bible)

Knowledge is not good alone we also need INSIGHT

Insight is where we APPLY what we are learning in our own life through our Bible study

To Develop Insight takes 3 things

1) It takes Time to develop insight (the more you are in the Word the more insight and knowledge you will receive)

2) It takes People to develop insight. (build relationships with other Christians and ask them to pray for you and help you grow)

3 )It takes the Right Attitude to develop insight (we all need to have a “teachable spirit” to receive insight—encourage one another and soak up what you are learning from God’s Word)

Not smart enough

I was talking to a friend last night about being a facilitator at Bible Study. She recently moved into this position and was telling me how she totally didn't feel "smart enough" or whatever. She had finished her lessons early that week, had attended our NEST training for leaders and was now just anxiously waiting for Friday to come.

I told her that I can so relate. And I have been there. Oh, it gets easier to feel like you have a grasp of the material and it gets easier to believe you are going to be able to answer a question or deal with an off topic path. But, I have found there is always a feeling of nervousness when you are in a position of leader or teacher - and that is  a good thing. We should be stepping into places where we need to rely on God. We should have that nervous feeling that says "I am going beyond the comfort zone of exactly what I am capable of on my own."

But, the rewards are so cool. As we are learning the material - in this case how to pray, other ladies are also learning the material and we get a front seat to the whole experience. We have an opportunity to witness what happens when ladies spent time in the word of God. I have found it to be a  bit addictive, we'll see how my friend likes it.

Clarity helps Communication

Twice in the last couple of days when talking to someone I have had to ask "which / what item are  you talking about? Somewhere in the conversation I had gotten lost and wasn't sure exactly what they were talking about and rather than assume I just asked. That is really hard though, especially if you know the person well. Then you start to feel like you should know what they are talking about. And you probably don't do this, but I try to fake it and then somewhere down the line I say something really stupid that indicates I didn't get it. Really, it is less embarrassing in the long run to just ask.

Clarification is really big in communicating well. You have to be willing to make sure that you are understood and that others understand you. And sometimes that will mean repeating yourself or rephrasing your statement. It means saying things like "do you mean ____? Or it sounds like you said _____? I know what you are thinking, "I don't have time for all this checking and rechecking with others. Shouldn't they be so excited about what I am saying that they hang on every word?" Actually...well, no. As exciting as you and I are, sometimes people are going to have other things on their mind, other priorities or a plug of bubble gum in their ear. All of these things will make it hard for them to understand you. So, next time you talk to someone... take time to clarify.

Sometimes it is hard to communicate

Those of you who have been following the blog already know that I probably deserve soap in my mouth at least occasionally. So, it was with a measure of sheepishness that I attempted to teach the Ladies Link team about communication on Sunday. Of course, the room was filled with some of the finest ladies I know - so it was an easy crowd. But, still...I feel like I am always trying to learn to communicate better.

John Maxwell states in his book Winning With People that "people unaware of who they are and what they do often damage their relationships with others. The way to change is to look in the mirror. It's something all of us must do." This mirror test that he talks about began in earnest for me as I prepared my lesson and began to initially apply the principles I was learning to myself. I love to communicate! I am extremely verbal and can get passionate about something at the drop of a hat. Good skills at times. Killer weaknesses at others.  I realized how often I am guilty of giving someone a job and then taking it back from them and doing it myself. How often I am vague about my expectations with someone and then are frustrated when they didn't read my mind. And here is a big one...How often I decide something  or change something and then lack the self discipline to notify people. Oh, I am horrible! And I have lots of excuses, but the truth is that I fail at times to communicate well.  Hopefully some of the team got as much out of the lesson as I did.

Wednesday

The Wednesday night ladies and I met again tonight and as usual it was a ton of fun. I can't tell you how much I love those ladies...they are so much the heartbeat of women's ministry at FRCC. Brenda did a great game show on power point to review all kinds of things...church mission, WBS "rules" and the million $ question - what is our purpose in life?  Of course, everyone agreed that the questions were too easy...the reality is that is one sharp group of girls.

We talked about leading discussions and ways to guide the group through the material. The points of the lesson were spelled out in an acrostic - ACTS. It stood for how to facilitate a good discussion - Acknowledge, Clarify, Turn back and Summarize. Then I read the first part of Matthew 15...including the question in verse 12 when the disciples ask Jesus "did you know the pharisees were offended when they heard this?" This question is amazing to me - that they thought he cared - can you imagine walking up to Jesus and informing him that he offended someone? Anyway...

The thing about this passage is that it illustrates what can happen if we forget application. We have to help ladies apply God's word and small group time is when this can really start to occur. Sure, God convicts and explains one-on-one, but he really enjoys using that group processing and accountability to change peoples lives. To help them be doers of the word, not hearers only. And that is why we come to WBS...application, application, application!   

"Seasoned"

I made a small slip of the tongue last week in NEST and called some of my favorite ladies "old" and even though I wasn't talking about their actual age it came out awkward. I have been thinking about how to recover from that little slip up all week, because those ladies are some of my absolute favorite in the whole church.

I really enjoy these ladies because they are all so different - but, they all come together in a common interest of helping other women grow and learn more about God. They all enjoy a good bible study themselves, but more importantly they all enjoy seeing someone else dig into a good bible study. And many of them have been at it for a number of years...therefore the old comment. It was intended to separate the newbies from the returning leaders, but, well, you know how those type comments go.

I didn't have to worry too much...one of those faithful ladies emailed me a new term to use this week...seasoned. Sounds good and it sounds more like what I intended...seasoned! Another word for someone who is mature in the journey, established in the pattern, long in the tooth! And for this role that is a great thing because they have begun to lay a foundation of faithfullness for which we are all grateful.

Little Eyes

"89% of what people learn comes through visual stimulation, 10% comes through audible and 1% through other senses. So it makes sense that the more followers see and hear their leader being consistent in word and action, the greater their consistency and loyalty.What they hear they understand. What they see, they believe!" John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You

As I continue rereading this classic  book, I am struck once again how much it applies to my life at home as a wife and mom. We are only 3 days into summer vacation and already I am coming face to face with my own hypocrisy. I want my kids to eat only healthy food and drink water - but, I really like coke and chips. I want my kids to do all their work first and play second - but, I get sidetracked with the fun stuff before all the work is done. I want my kids to keep their rooms clean- and mine is the dirtiest most of the time. 

So does that mean I throw out all the rules? Only make my kids follow the ones that I am interested in following? Of course not! But, it does mean that I need to check my actions and my words and make sure that they match up more often. I need to decide the things that are my priorities and stop talking so much about the others. And my kids are learning from me even as I try to figure out what the message should be - and I have to remember that most of all. Little eyes are watching and looking for an example to follow!

Hanging with a good crowd

I just love hanging with the women's network leadership teams. These women  "to a man" love God and want to serve him with their lives. As I watch them juggle thoughts of how to impact women and chase their children during the meeting it is cool...and I am so thankful for the opportunity to influence them.  I so want to be a good leader and most importantly point them to Christ as the perfect example.

John Maxwell says in his book Developing the Leader Within that "leadership is influence". With that premise, we all influence others in our daily lives.  He gives examples of the mother who influences a child, teachers who have touched his life, historic moments that mark our memories and others who leave impressions in our lives. Perhaps the most impacting statement in the whole chapter is when he says "The issue is not whether you influence someone. What needs to be settled is what kind of influencer you will be. Will you grow into your leadership skills?" 

Oh, that is the question...and hanging out with such great ladies really inspires me to want to lead  better and better!

More thoughts on leadership

The beginning of the school year is really a fresh start. All the new supplies, a cooler backpack than before and fall clothes...it's a  new beginning.  I find each fall that I am filled with plans, goals and wishes in a way that not even New Years can compete with.  So, of course, I have lots of plans for how my children are going to do better this year. They're going to complete elaborate chore charts, go to bed on time,  eat less junk and watch less TV.

Then Pastor challenged me to self-leadership! I guess that means it has to start with me. So, here are a few a few areas I could lead better.

• Food! Namely less junk and more veggies. Which means I must plan and cook actual meals that include all the food groups. Then I must sit at the table with my kids and eat with them...not read a novel at the counter while they eat.
• Reading! While I love to read, I actually do not really enjoy reading aloud. But, I need to make it a priority and insist that they join me. (the older ones...the younger ones actually beg me to read) I also need to include the Bible in what we read more.
• Clutter control! Let's face it...I'm going to have to pick up after myself! The reality is that I am messy and disorganized and my children were raised by me. But, I must be willing to take time to train them in picking up after themselves.

All three of these areas are huge in themselves...and easily overwhelming. I did a search for habit at biblegateway.com and discovered Hebrews 10:24 which says "let us consider how we can spur one another on toward love and good deeds..." So, I am looking for encouragement to push me toward these "good deeds". I know that as I work on the things God is showing me, He will bless the effort.

Anyone else working on a fresh start this September? Shelley

We are the leaders!

How many times have you talked with someone who had the perfect advice...the best way to lose weight, the exact way you should deal with your child...but they weren't applying it in their lives? Pretty frustrating, huh. Plus, after a while we stop listening to their great ideas, because it is obvious they don't believe it enough to live it.  In staff meeting today, Pastor Guy challenged us that "all leadership begins with self-leadership." The Bible talks about this topic in 1 Corinthians 9:27 where Paul says "I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I preach to others I myself would not be disqualified." The point here is that we must make sure we are taking care of our issues, not just telling others how to take care of theirs.   

We are the leaders that our children will follow. What a heavy statement to make, when you think about the consequences.

I can't imagine wishing my children would begin to mimic my lack of self-discipline, tendency to shoot my mouth off or inability to do simple math. But, there are things that I would be proud if they were to learn from me...the ability to verbally stay on their feet during a passionate discussion, a love of people and the knack of making good queso and chips! Those are things I would be proud to see them pick up. Yet, I know that they are watching me every day and they are much more likely to copy the things they see me do than the things I tell them to do. Especially when the two aren't the same!  So, in order to lead my children well and provide a message that I want them to live, I no longer have the luxury of wallowing in my issues. I must begin to lead myself, and make sure that I am living as close to the best example as possible. Shelley

I would rat!her whine

Yesterday I went with my mother-in-law to buy things for the kids...school supplies, fall shoes, etc. I started the day exhausted because Sam and I spend from midnight to 3am at the ER the night before with an asthma attack...and the  crowds, lists and kids made me more and more tired. By the time I got home, I told Joe that I wasn't sure which was harder - giving birth or buying school supplies.  It made a good joke and that was my feeling through the evening as I thought about how worn out I was, how much my 5 year old fussed, how many times my sons wrestled in the store aisles. I was consumed in whiny thoughts.

I needed an attitude adjustment. I have been reading a great book on what God says about our mind and it really convicted me that I was making my own attitude worse by the things I was choosing to focus on. Philippians 4:8 tells us "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  So, while it was true that the day was a little bit of a hassle, it was also true:

• I have 4 beautiful children who are healthy and smart and who need those school things
• I have the resources to buy the supplies when many famiies don't
• My mother-in-law was gracious and willing to spend the day helping me with the kids and the kids
• My kids were excited about the school year and most of their wiggles were from happiness, not anxiety

Doyou get the picture? Once I really began to think about true, excellence, noble and pure or as the Message version of the Bible says it "the best, not the worst" I began to feel differently. There are many parts of being a mom that lend themselves to whining...but, I think as believers we should actively try to curb that tendency and rejoice in our blessings. Shelley