Crumbs from a full plate...

Choosing My Reaction

I was sleeping soundly at 6:15am this morning when the light came on in the bedroom and my husband  said, "How much do you think we will spend on medical expenses this year? And what were the details of the bill for Guy's orthodontic work."

Yeah, I was surprised. And my first reaction internally was not very friendly.

Funny thing is that on Tuesday of this week I taught a message at M.O.M. Time about communication based off of Ephesians 4:29 where I made up an example almost exactly like this. Except this one wasn't made up...it was in my bedroom. Today. Early in the morning.

I sat up and said something to the effect of "huh??"  And Joe realized that he had probably chosen poorly when it came to financial discussion time; apologized quickly, mentioned that the deadline for signing up for our flex spending was Friday and  turned the light back out before  heading downstairs.

I'm not going to lie to you, this is not the first time I have been woken up like this. Just as I like to choose poorly and discuss what we should do about christmas while Joe is watching a ballgame in the fall - he spends his quiet morning time thinking of stuff and likes to get those answers right then. And usually, he pays dearly for those questions. I am not shy about being ugly when I am feeling wronged. Definitely an area of sin for me and something I have been convicted about - especially last week as I was writing a lesson on how to communicate in a God honoring way.

One of the questions I suggested we think of when trying to communicate well is "Is it a good time".  The success of a conversation can be maximized if the timing is properly chosen. I agree  that  we should try not to blindside someone with a question when they are not expecting it. But, what if someone does it anyway? At that point, do I then have the right to react poorly cause they timed it poorly? Not at all.

So, I said a quick prayer of "please help me be gracious and thank you for giving me a hardworking, planning ahead kinda guy" as I headed down the stairs.  In the desk drawer was the contract. Bringing that and an index card to the kitchen counter I began listing all the known expenses for the upcoming year, laid out the two options we have for paying for braces and started the coffee. It only took about 10 minutes to answer all the years questions and Joe was able to leave for work prepared with all the little details he needs to make sure our family is prepared for 2010.

As I enjoyed my coffee,  I was so glad I choose to respond well. It might not have been my preferred best time, but it wasn't a bad time.

What I remember

It was my intention to recap the whole lesson at Mom Time last week here on my blog. It was excellent material, presented very well.

I lost my notes.

But, truly I think I retained quite a bit of what was shared, so I thought I would attempt to recap it anyway. So, here goes...

After Sherry set up the whole idea that sex is vital to our marriage and created by God the "Yeah, buts" started. Beginning with "Yeah, but what if it hurts?"  Excellent question that every woman that has ever given birth is gonna ask. In addition to the physical pain that can sometimes strike there is sometimes emotional pain originating in past abuse. Lots of things can work to make sex painful and Kim H tried to address many of the presenting issues. She made everyone laugh by giving away bottles of K-Y jelly which she heavily recommended for lots of reasons.

The bottom line in dealing with pain: don't ignore it, get help and COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE! My favorite line from Kim H "I had a friend who...okay it was me!"

Of course at a place like Mom Time (read, everyone has youngish kids) a frequent question is "yeah, but what about the kids?"  Babies change things and older kids change things even more. Debbie shared lots of ideas like putting  a lock on your door, being creative with times and locations, making good use of children's videos and other distractions - generally find a way to make it happen.

The  bottom line in dealing with kids: keep them in proper perspective, don't be afraid to let them see you kiss or slip away and COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE! My favorite line from Debbie "Don't make him feel less important than the kids!"

Kim B spoke to all our thoughts when she answered the question "Yeah, but what if there isn't time?" I am most sad about losing what I wrote down cause she had lots of really good zingers, which was good cause she was very pointed about a very serious topic - we need to make time! Wow, probably most wives in the room were hoping that the answer would be "yeah, you're busy and that's okay!" But, it's not. Kim addressed that we need to make sex in our marriage a priority and talked about it from the standpoint of protecting the schedule, planning for it and not making our husbands wonder if he'll get any when he gets home.

Bottom line in arranging our priorities: our goal should be to meet our husbands needs and therefore we should be intentional about making sure sex happens! My favorite line from Kim B "I'm just challenging you all to step it up in this area - make him glad to come home!"

The bottom line for the whole topic can be best summed up in my favorite line from Sherry "Be like Nike and just do it!"

Why would you teach about that???

I guess a valid question is, "why would you teach about sex?" Isn't Mom Time about being a mother? Don't  you have an endless supply of lessons on how to get supper on the table and stains out of shirts? Yes, in fact we do...but it is a matter of priority.

We (wives) are the only legitimate source for our husbands sexual fulfillment!

There are lots of roles for a mom and most of them are ultimately about taking care of someone. Wiping noses, teaching manners and keeping the home are very important. But, those are all secondary to our role as wife. God designed marriage as a bond of oneness. He planned that a man would leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. And the glue that makes that bonding take place in a marriage is sexual intimacy.

Sherry explained it clearly when she said, "sex isn't all about you!" It's all about obedience to God's word and God's plan for marriage. She reminded us of the passage from last week in Ephesians that says, "Each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Previously we had listed areas we needed to respect our husbands in - things like his abilities, his judgment, his communication. To that list she added his need for sexual expression. A man feels love in proportion to how much he is respected by his wife and that includes sexual fulfillment.

Perhaps the most challenging question that Sherry asked is, Where is your focus? Is it on your own needs? Are you selfishly focused on all the areas your spouse isn't responding to you? Are you trying to meet his needs in ways that make you happy to fulfill? Or are you focusing on his needs?

What are you doing to help your marriage bond? Cause if you aren't meeting his needs - who will?

 

These look like ordinary women...and they are. But, this morning they were willing to talk about honoring God to a whole room of other women who need encouragement in their marriage. As part 2 to the marriage series we started last week at Mom Time, the team decided to co-teach on sex. They did  a great job! After (and between) the giggles, they were able to bring some practical, biblical encouragement to what is often a source of hurt in marriage. As Sherry so aptly put it...we (wives) just need to do it!

It seems that there is a lot of information on the web regarding sexuality from God's perspective which is pretty cool since it was all his idea. Lysa Terkeurst had a very timely post this morning regarding pornography use and how it affects marriage.  It is a very real issue and has the potential to cause many problems in a marriage.  Jess at Making Home has a ton of good information including this article on being intentional, and this one about offering variety in your marriage. She also offers a 5 part series on being sexy for your husband. Good reading.

A perhaps unusual resource, but very good is John Piper's blog Desiring God. He has 30 years of ministry experience and while  he could totally be described as an "old man", I think that is the very reason we should listen to him. In particular, he would be a great  place to point your husband if he is willing to listen to sermons or read things with you. Check out this article for a great answer on a big topic. He has an entire series entitled, Sex and the Supremacy of Christ that is worth reading or listening to.

There are lots of other resources out there to encourage and teach you in all areas of your marriage. One that has helped me particularly in all areas is Family Life. A ministry devoted to upholding the christian family it has lots of great resources.

I'll leave you with one quote from today, and hope that you will come back tomorrow to read more on Mom Time's thoughts on sex..

"If he's coming to you for sexual fulfillment - treasure it" Kim B

Worth the Work

Have you heard the joke often told by old married folks, "we've been happily married for 3 years" when they are celebrating the 10th / 20th/ or 30th anniversary. I have chuckled at that and then I cringed, but I think I understand the truth behind it.

Marriage is hard and isn't always happy. It's busy, it's tense, it's teamwork,It's fulfilling,  it's making it through...but, on any given day happy might not  be the adjective that would be used to describe it. The problem with that is that we walked that aisle looking for happily ever after!

Last week at Mom Time, I had the opportunity to bring a message entitled Marriage is Worth the Work! And it is worth the work, and yet  brides and grooms aren't often told about the work. Several years into the marriage when the kids, and bills, and chores are piled high they are unhappy and wondering if all this is worth it.

I say yes! God designed marriage as our most intimate relationship. It is His design and it is good, but it isn't really about being happy. That's our spin on something that actually means so much more. Marriage is often the hardest thing most of us will do. It is the sweetest and most bitter relationship we participate in, and it  has the greatest potential to help us grow spiritually. Marriage can be the vehicle God uses to change us into what he wants us to become...if we stick with it.

Don't bail on your marriage...it's worth the work!

Another thought from Amy's lesson

A thought that has stayed with me after Amy spoke to Mom Time is this, "God doesn't expect perfection, but he does expect progress." She talked about how her children's report card graded on a scale of basic, progressing, and proficient and challenged us to use that grid to evaluate ourselves.

Am I only basic at handling my fears? What about controlling my tongue? How about my temper? What about in my practical disciplines like daily Bible reading? Or self control in my eating? How loving am I toward my family? The people at work? Am I progressing in these areas or am I stuck at only basic?

This issue isn't what you are struggling with, but are you making any progress?

How would you feel?

One of the lessons we try to teach each year is about handling fear in parenting. For many moms, it is an overwhelming emotion and can dramatically shape how you deal with the issues of parenting. For others, it isn't such a big deal but it still rears it's head at moments.

Amy Sprengel taught this week and shared her personal journey away from being a fraidy-cat momma. It was powerful!

Everyone has times of fear - that is to be expected. Amy talked about  how her mother would often ask questions of her that began with "how would you feel?"

How would you feel if  you took the baby to church and she got pneumonia?

How would you feel if she wasn't in a stroller and got hit by a car?

How would you feel if you weren't watching and he choked on his food?

"How would you feel" can cause a lot of emotions. It speaks to the fear found in the unknown, and suggests a guilt to certainly follow. It brings a level of heightened awareness to routine events with our children. Worse than that...it implies that by following the right rules we can control the outcome.

While sharing many personal stories of battling fear, Amy taught what scripture has to say about fear and moving from being fearful to being free.

• Don't worry about anything
• Pray about everything
• Tell God what you need
• Thank Him for what he has done

In addition to all these things, Amy recommended using worship as a remedy for worry. She related a question she felt God ask her early in her parenting journey, "Who are you   and Who am I?" Recognizing who God is allows us to put our fears about the future in perspective. One of the other great suggestions she made is that we need to find a voice of truth to help us sort out the voices that tell us to be afraid. This person can fill many roles - friend, parent, mentor, sister, etc - but she must point us back to God in order to help us truly overcome fear.

Amy closed with a challenge that we evaluate ourselves - how am I doing in regards to fear? Or maybe there is something else I need to work on more than fear. Am I beginning, developing or secure in my skill? And with that evaluation comes the chance to say, what do I need to work on right now?

My suggested resolutions

In light of things to be faced this year, I turned to scripture. I really wanted a clear list of things to look at in the new year. While reading in Colossians 1:9-14, I found it. Paul's prayer at the beginning for the leaders he finds there gave me a picture of the things I would also desire for both myself and the women I have opportunity to influence. Here is my recommended resolutions for the new year...

Be Obedient in how you live. Far to often we are looking to learn something new when we aren't even doing the things we know God has commanded us to do. We must start obeying and then looking for the next thing.

We must have purpose to our work. Paul mentions fruit, which means there is an expectation that we will yield something for the hard work we do. Evaluate what are you spending your time on, does it yield fruit?

Learn and read His word. We talk about how important the Bible is, but we must act like it is important. It's the living word of God and we should value it accordingly.

Use His power. God never intended for us to live apart from Him, or for the Christian life to be lived in our own strength. Ask Him for help!

Acknowledge the Source. When we live with an attitude of appreciation for what God has done in our lives, it changes our perspective. Revel in your blessings!

Making these resolutions yours allows for all manner of diversity...and all manner of growth!

Check Yourself

Of all the ways to describe the Bible, I am intrigued by the mirror concept. It makes sense to me that we would come to scripture and check ourselves just like we would check our teeth in the mirror. "Hum, oh look, there is black stuff in my teeth - oh well." That is not how it works. We look, we see a problem and we react. It should be the same when we realize that something in our life doesn't square with what God says about the subject.

Today we looked at loving others. Throughout scripture we are told that loving others is God's command to us. It is the mark of  believers, it's how we are to imitate him. Obviously, it is something we need to take seriously.

But how do you love "those people." You know, the ones that are always underfoot, or the ones that make little digs about how you do things, or even the one who takes you for granted. Surely there should be exemptions for loving those right??? Um, no. Those are the very people we are called to love and truly - we have to acknowledge their role in helping us be more Christlike. A gift is what they are - a gift given to make you holy.

We love them by faith, intentionally and without regard for ourselves. And those things don't happen without first looking in the mirror and checking yourself. So, I encouraged everyone to take time to look at 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous love chapter) and use it to evaluate themselves. Go ahead - I dare you to check yourself in the mirror.

Optical Illusions

 This picture of two faces is pretty cool - makes you wonder if the people in it are getting ready to kiss or are thinking about brushing noses. But, if you squint your eyes just right suddenly you are looking at a vase. It is an optical illusion.

There are a lot of things like that in life - looks like one thing and yet is something totally different. Parenting is something that looks like one thing, but is also totally about something else. Parenting is on the first look all about raising a child. Teaching them to sleep, eat and how to be a good sport. And yet, the process is totally transforming to the parent as well.

Being a mom changes you. From the first moment when you pee on that stick - nothing is the same. I am sure it is a change for the fathers as well, but I can only speak for women personally - things are different. Suddenly someone else gets to dictate things like what you eat and whether you need to throw up. And that continues for years and years.

For a Christian parent, the process of parenting is an opportunity to live out what Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 7:1  when he says "let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” Parenting is a process through which God purifies us – the parents – even as he shapes the children. The years you spend investing in the lives of your children, learning and applying Biblical principles are years that God is cutting away all from you that does not glorify him.

   Here's another illusion - on the surface it looks like a cute kid with a frog on his nose, but if you squint just right you can totally see that it is 1/4th of God's plan for growth for Joe and I.

Legacy

Today's topic of Mom Time was about leaving a legacy. The bottom line is that each one of us leaves a legacy behind in the lives of those around us - positive or negative. Linda, the guest speaker talked about an elderly relative on her husbands side who was always negative, bitter and unpleasant to be around - a legacy for sure. It was impactful for me to realize that I am not choosing if I want to leave a legacy, I am only allowed the choice of what kind of legacy I leave.

A Sobering Thought

"He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds."

                                                     -Dag Hammerskjold

 

What's growing in your garden? Did you know that what you grow and cultivate in your garden today could spread to your children? This week I taught on the topic What do they see? about how we influence our children. Because they live with us, they see us as we actually live. There is no opportunity to hide who you really are - your children know.  And that is a sobering thought.

 

His chair

He got to sit in his chair today.

Let me explain. Lately the Gallamore family has been storing their socks in the dining room in a basket. And when Joe came down dressed yesterday all except socks he sat on the couch to put his socks on his feet. Looking across at an occasional chair that I had piled high with papers I needed to sort out, he said, "I would rather sit in that chair to put my socks on." (Notice he didn't mention wanting to store his socks in the dresser upstairs)

Inwardly, I groaned cause I wasn't really planning on sorting out those papers any time soon. But, I smiled and listened as he explained that when he comes down in a dark suit and sits on the couch to put on socks the dogs inevitably jump up to sit by him and then he has dog hair on his pant leg. In the smaller chair they can't join him. Makes sense...but, creates work for me.

But, I was reminded of the importance of compromise in marriage. Compromise says that the relationship matters more my preference, my rights or my desires. That I would be willing to serve another more than or before I serve myself. So, I cleaned out the chair. It didn't take long and it is those small things that add up to something bigger in a relationship. Now, maybe I can find time to sort the socks.

Right or Wrong Person?

I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person.

"However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.

"In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you."

- Author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar

Leah

Update: Leah's surgery went good and the surgeon was pleased with how it went. I will leave this post at the top to remind us all to take time to continue to pray for this family.

Some good friends of mine have a new baby named Leah...here she is with her mom Kristine.

Leah is scheduled to have surgery tomorrow due to a birth defect...here are the details from her website.

Leah was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome inutereo at 16 weeks gestation. This is a spectrum of heart abnormalities characterized by an underdevelopment of the left ventricle, and occurs with a narrowing (stenosis) of the aortic valve. Without intervention, HLHS is uniformly fatal within the first weeks of life. With much prayer, Leah will undergo 3 surgeries to sustain her life - Norwood, Glenn, and Fontaine. This isn't a cure, but a way in which her heart can function on it's own.

Please take a moment when you read this to pray for her and her family which includes Dad Mike and two brothers Benjamin and Phillip. If you would like to follow Leah's progress visit her caring bridge site.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/leahsteinbacher

First Comes Obedience

We all have little sayings we use in our parenting. Often they are catchy things we have heard or remember our parents saying that sum up a part of our philosophy. Kim shared one of hers this week at mom time...First comes obedience, and then comes the blessing.

The principle comes from scripture, that children are to obey their parents. She reminded the moms that obedience is "doing what someone says, right away without being reminded" and she challenged them that it is their job to teach their children to obey. She outlined Ephesians 6:1-3 saying that obedience is right, it is commanded and it brings blessing to the children. But, then she brought up the concept of honor and how it was really the icing on obedience. Her definition of honor was "treating people as special, doing more that what is expected and having a good attitude." How often as parents we are tempted to settle for simple disobedience and not teach our children the concept of honoring another.

"Although obedience gets the job done, honor addresses how the the job is done."

She talked about allowing our kids to get away with technically obeying us - but exhibiting a bad attitude or stopping short of loving the other person. The whining and complaining that we tend to excuse and call just part of childhood isn't acceptable to God and shouldn't be acceptable to us. It was a great lesson and really gave me a lot to think about in regards to my kids.

Whew

We have been wading through Lou Priolo's book Teach them Diligently in Mom Time for the past 4 weeks. I say wading because it is pretty intense at times. We've covered things like confession, repentance and conviction. Pretty large concepts - especially when you start thinking that as a parent you are SOLELY RESPONSIBLE... Can you hear the ominous ring to those words?

But, this morning I got an answer to that question. Yes, parents are to teach their children and the realness of the parents faith can have huge impact on the children's faith. But, 1 Corinthians 3:6 said this, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth."  What a great reminder that it is God working in our children's lives that cause the growth - we are to plant and water. Sounds much more doable doesn't it?

I don't wanna be a scrooge!

Mom Time has started talking about Christmas already and I wasn't fully prepared. And to be honest, they have actually called it "the holidays" with lots of references to Thanksgiving thrown in as well - but, I heard Christmas. Their point was great - we should keep our holidays God centered. I agree, but I think in the 12 years of being the mommy and dealing with the  stuff I don't really excel at like decorating, fancy cooking and combine that with busyness and a tight budget - and it all seems like a lot of work.  And I realize that as a coping mechanism I have actually  not done much these last few years at all...no cards, no fancy cookies, no gifts outside of the obligations, no parties, no advent candles...really only the required stuff.

So, this year I am trying to make a list of better necessities. Things that I can add back into the holidays and make it more meaningful for the family - but, still not break the budget or the schedule. Debbie had some great ideas this week for gifts that my kids could make. And Kim has already offered to bake with Abby - Yeah! This is a year when my parents are traveling to us - which is nice and takes some stress off. But, that also removes opportunities to visit with extended family.

So, leave me a comment - what is your favorite thing to do to give meaning to the holiday?  I need ideas...

Did you know God knits?

I find the idea of God sitting in heaven knitting pretty interesting. And yet, that is the picture that scripture uses to describe how we are created.

For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

                                Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

Last week I started a series in Mom Time called Pink or Blue looking at raising boys and girls - the differences and the unique role that God has for each. And that is a foundational truth - that God uniquely creates each of us. He chooses every part of our body, every character trait and speck of intelligence. He knows all the things that will be necessary and he puts those parts into each baby. Can you imagine...God saying, "I'm going to make her heart a little stronger cause when she is 75  she'll get colon cancer and it will be important for her to have a strong heart. Or I am going to give him a lot of patience cause when he is a 35 year old Father his son is going to run away and he'll need to be patient." Or even harder to understand is "I'm going to make this child autistic because great things will happen to his family through that experience."  I don"t pretend to totally get this concept...but scripture is clear that God creates each and every baby and I think that is profound. If you really understand that concept - it will change your thinking.

Cookout Fun

There was a great turnout for the Mom Time cookout at Buchner Park on Sunday afternoon! Gretchen kept track with the name tags and it seems like we had a couple over 100 adults there - not counting all the kids running around. Face painting was a hit and all the kids were waving cross wands by the end of the day. Check out the pictures in the album to the left.

Buchner Park is where the summer play dates will happen...come join us between 9:30 am and 11:30 am for a chance to reconnect with your friends and let the kids play...June 19th, July 24th , August 21st .

Teaching Littles to Worship

We had a treat at Mom Time yesterday...Lori Wildeman dropped in to speak on teaching our children to worship. Lori has spent many years at FRCC teaching what she terms "littles" (children age 3-5) to worship through music, as well as leading adult worship for Women's Network. 

The message included a great definition of worship and an understanding that it isn't all about singing...but about offering our bodies as a living sacrifice to God or "walking the talk and talking the walk". Click below to listen to this great message.

Download teaching_littles_to_worship_1.mp3

My thoughts on the panel

I will admit it...I was a little unhappy about the fact that we couldn't seem to get off the subject of spanking during the panel today. And maybe that was my own concern about making that  subject a lightning rod issue. Because that is what spanking becomes among mothers...one of those topics we use to divide ourselves into camps...the spanker's and the non-spanker's. 

The truth of the matter is that it is hard to find a parent with multiple kids, whose children are a little older in the church who doesn't spank on occasion. Some of them will say it was their main tool of correction, some will say they used it only rarely and many will say it varied with the child. But, that is the point of a panel - to talk to different folks about what worked for them, to hear how they have learned and grown through the process.

I was telling Joe about my frustration, he commented "well, the point of discipline is getting to the heart, if you don't do that it doesn't matter what method you used."  Well said, honey!  And he is right, people will use all kinds of methods to reach their kids and most of us will even change methods with different children, or with different stages of their life.  So, if we make the method the main thing, we might miss the opportunity to flex  with the child or with the situation. So, I hope the panel was encouraging to you today. I hope you heard good ideas and you heard that you aren't alone in this journey called parenting...I hope you heard that even "old" parents are still learning!

Lots of Love

One of the cutest things that Debbie handed out in the Love Language of Children niche is a list of children's descriptions of love. Here are some of my favorites...

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. You really shouldn't say I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. For me the one that catches me off guard is my son who clearly craves physical touch and expresses it constantly through body slams. For a long time I thought he was being wild for no apparent reason, until I realized that he is looking for that touch that speaks love to him. Which is a great reason to encourage wrestling in the living room. :) So far in this niche they have looked at 3 love languages...physical touch, words or affirmation and quality time. Each week they are encouraged to continue evaluating their children and figuring out their primary love language.

Scratch Your Niche

Mom Time is currently involved in a series called Scratch Your Niche. Basically, this is a choice of 3 different topics studies for 4 weeks. The topics are For Women Only based on the DVD study by Shaunti Feldhahn, The five love languages of Children by Gary Chapmon and Ross Campbell and How to Study the Bible in 28 Days by Kay Arthur.  As you can see, that is a lot of variety.

Today I watched the video with the For Women Only group...what a great study! I asked Kim for one big takeaway from what they were talking about and she gave me a list of Seven Surprising Revelations to share.

1. Men want respect even more than love.
2. Even confident-seeming men secretly doubt themselves.
3. He feels like it's his job to provide for the family even if you do also.
4. A husband wants to feel desired by his wife.
5. Even the most devoted husband has visual temptation.
6. Men enjoy romance but doubt they can succeed.
7. When you make an effort to take care of yourself, he feels cared for.

Wow, some of those are revelations. And even the ones that I would say "yeah, I know that" are still good reminders as I attempt to really love my husband in the way that God intends. Tomorrow we will peak into the love languages class...

7 Habits

January is a time of reflection and resolution for most of us. It's the month when we begin to look at things in our life and try to make them better. In line with this, Mom Time started a new series today called the " 7  Habits of a Highly Effective Mom". As Kim and I planned the lessons, there were some big areas that we as women should decide we are going to make a priority. Here are the habits we are going to suggest you should make...

• She manages her finances well
• She organizes her home
• She manages her relationships well
• She takes care of the physical needs of her family
• She pursues spiritual disciplines
• She serves others
• She makes her marriage a priority

So, stay with me for the next 4 weeks as we look at these habits and look at  how to ensure you are effective in these areas. Each Tuesday I will post information on that Tuesday's habit.  Hopefully this series will help us all to be better mothers and wives.

Teen Center

I am so thrilled to be able today to load another huge pile of gifts for the Waukesha Teen Center Teen MOPS program into my van and deliver it tonight. Thank you Mom Time ladies for all your gifts, and for responding to a need among other mothers. I know that the outpouring of love will be felt by the many young moms who will put all the diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. to good use as the raise their children.

Stories

I don't know if any of you have taken time to read the stories on the Mom Time page of the Fox River Christian Church website...but they are pretty cool! I asked four moms last year to just tell me what mom time meant to them and how attending it had affected their life. Now, I am looking for more.

If you are willing to write me a short story about what coming to Mom Time has meant to you, or anything you have gotten from attending please comment here or email me. 

Stories of what happens in our lives are a great indicator that things are changing. It is my hope that after attending mom time you have somehow been impacted...whether you have made friends, connected with someone else, learned something, relate to God differently or changed how you do things. In short, what have you gotten out of it?

Come on...don't be shy. I really want to know!

Entertaining

Kim taught at Mom Time today and I really enjoyed it. Not just because she did the work, but because the whole lesson really helped me think through the holidays. The title was "why i hate entertaining", and while I do love to entertain....there are parts I really hate. And those were addressed - what to do about all the household preparation, the strained or difficult relationships and even the cooking.  Kim challenged us to look beyond all those things and keep them in perspective. She challenged us to remember the opportunities that lie in the hospitality...the opportunity to serve others, to love others and to make Christ the center of our celebration.

Good thoughts as we head into the holidays!

Garbage In, Garbage Out

The lesson this week at Mom Time was about "speaking the truth in Love" and the communication tools that make that possible. It's a topic that I have a lot of experience with...usually from messing up. My mouth is a constant struggle...even when I'm not necessarily saying something wrong, my tone is bad.

So, is there any hope? Am I and all the rest of you who struggle with this doomed to forever be at the mercy of our mouths...quick to speak, slow to listen...always one conversation away from destroying a relationship.

The answer is no! We who are believers in Christ have hope...the hope of the gospel.  The verse that is commonly referred to regarding our speech is James 1:19 which tells us to "be quick to listen, slow to speak". While this is good advice, it is actually the next few verses in James that explain a little more about how that is possible.

"19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. 22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:19-22

Reading this, I am reminded of the phrase I learned in computer class years ago...garbage in, garbage out. We must protect the things that we hear and are exposed to and we must make sure that we take in things of God. I know that when I am around people who talk recklessly, gossip or tear down others - my natural tendency is to engage in those things as well. Instead, I have to allow the word of God to "be planted" in me and then begin to apply what it says.  As I begin to fill my life and mind with the good, truthful and excellent things of God...I will find it far easier to speak with a Godly tone.

Overlooking things

This week at Mom Time was about overlooking and how that is different than denial of conflict. When we are in the midst of denial…or goal is to somehow make the conflict go away!  In contrast, when we are faced with a hurtful thing and are able to overlook it…forgiveness of the other person is the key.

My example was the person who gets bumped while getting a drink. No problem…can be totally overlooked without a second thought. The stakes are a little higher if the bump results in something being spilled on us…but we could often still overlook. When the bump becomes a push and the spill becomes intentional…things get harder to overlook. And what often happens is that we claim to overlook what happens, or we tell the person “no problem” but it remains a problem. 

We had a great discussion last night about what heart issues within ourselves might make it harder to overlook even the seemingly innocent bump and spill. If I was feeling a little insecure about the whole event, and wondering if people really liked me and wanted me there…my FEAR might make me react differently. Or if I was worried about what people would think who saw me with coke spilled on my sweater…my PRIDE might make me react harsher than otherwise.  And many times a conflict could get out of hand unless I take a moment (or several moments) to evaluate myself for heart issues and ask God to help me live out the hope that is within me.

That is the key…relying on God to do what he requires. 1 Peter 4:8 tells us “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” And while we all agree that we should love one another and that love should show in out attitude toward others and the bumps we take in life…it’s hard. But, if you continue on in that passage, verse 11 tells us “If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.”  It is the strength provided by Christ that allows us to have love for others…even enough love to cover a bump at the coffee bar.

Farm Day

The Farm Day was great! I set up an album of pictures...check them out.  The weather was great, there was lots to do and keep everyone occupied and the fire was so relaxing at the end. Thanks Atkinson's...

Going to the Farm

I have spent time this morning finishing up plans for the 2nd annual "Mom Time goes to the Farm" event this saturday. Everything is coming together...food ordered from Sam's (hot chocolate added this year), inflatable confirmed (another new item) and a check in with the Atkinson family.

I have to say that the Atkinson Family has been a wonderful host for this event! Tom and Judy go to great lengths to plan a special time and make sure that everyone will be safe and happy. One of the best things they do is get the DeBoth family involved with the fire each year. This gives all us moms with younger kids a feeling of security to know that Mark and Luanne will spend their evening babysitting the fire area.

Tim and Tammy are also wonderful to let us see the calves eat and pet the animals. That will be so cool for the kids! I know my children really enjoy seeing animals up close and personal. 

Right now we have over 100 people coming out to the farm...give me a call or email me by tomorrow if you want to join us! Cost is only $3 per person and includes supper!

Everybody Fights

"Everybody fights a little" was the title of today's message at Mom Time. We are entering a series based on Ken Sande's book "Peacemaker" and I  am very excited. Learning to handle conflict is necessary to live a God honoring life. As I told the ladies today, "how you act and react during conflict in your life will speak loudly to those around you about what you really believe."  All day after teaching the first lesson, I have talked with people who are dealing with really big issues...conflicts we could call them. And while I just wish I could hand each of the people I have talked with a quick A, B, C formula to end all their stress and pain...I cannot. So, I am reminded over and over...God is faithful!

Finding a place of Joy

Sometimes we confuse happiness with joy. And sometimes we become convinced that our joy depends on our circumstances. Many times I have thought things like if I just had a ...dishwasher, raise, moment to myself...I would be happier. And when I have gotten that item that I thought all of life depended upon...I wanted something new.

The truth is that our joy has nothing to do with the stuff of life and everything to do with the presence of God. We get a hint of that in 1 Thessalonians 5:16 when we are told "be joyful; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances." I don't think it is an accident that the writer put "pray continually" right between two commands to be joyful. Without an awareness of God and the workings He does in our life, and an acknowledgment of Him we cannot really find joy. Instead what we find is what we look for...better  (or worse) circumstances.

So, how do we go about finding the joy God wants us to have? By knowing what we believe and continually asking questions of God to get his perspective on our beliefs. By nurturing our relationship with God and making community with Him a daily part of our life and by counting the blessings He gives us each day.  That is the path to joy as described in the Bible...joy much greater than our happiness!

Understanding Contentment

I understood a little more today about contentment.

When I was in Minneapolis last week, my mom came and took me out to breakfast. She was traveling in MN on business and so we were able to see each other for almost an hour that morning. I was a little excited about the chance to meet, but was really waiting for her to set the emotional tone. And while it was a nice moment, it felt a little awkward and non-personal. I didn't  really realize all that until she called the following Sunday and said "I'm not sure in my distraction that I conveyed how much I enjoyed seeing you." Wow, that was all I wanted to hear. 

This morning I was thinking all this through , and was actually planning to write about it all on the blog. I  was thinking how often as moms we get busy and rushed and probably all fail to let our children know how much we enjoy and delight in them. I was overwhelmed by that and suddenly began to cry in the shower, totally feeling all the emotion of missing my momma, and loving my momma and really wanting to connect with her but somehow not being able to.

And God was there. In a clear and unmistakable I realized that the hunger in my heart can't be filled by my momma...it's a God ache. And the reality is that even if my momma is suddenly totally loving, or calls and says exactly the thing I want to hear...I am still holding out for the ultimate relationship...the one with the living God. And that's contentment...knowing, understanding and embracing that truth.  Shelley